Journey to Him


Tears welled up. I didn’t expect that to happen. At all. A familiar name I’ve called out so often in times of joy, sadness, fear and disappointment.


I tried to recall the last time I felt that way.. I’ve probably cried for something I didn’t get or cos of guilt. But crying solely just mentioning His name and praising Him? Sadly, I can’t remember. What happened that Thursday night, I will remember for life.

When I was told to close my eyes and to softly say Ya Allah a hundred times, feeling it with my heart, I thought “Well, I’ve always said it with my heart.” Gosh, the arrogance.

It took probably more than 10 times of His name till heart to started beating fast. Just as I wondered of what I did not do right in that zikr, my heart suddenly swelled with emotions and my mind flooded with flashbacks and faces of people I love.

I felt like an opened book, disclosing too many inner emotions that just kept flowing, refusing to stop.


After the 100th mention, we were told to open our eyes. Feeling embarrassed, I quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe my tears. I was comforted that I wasn’t alone. The whole class was quiet. Even our teacher was trying to find her voice to continue the lesson.

Ustazah Suaidah. I’ve heard about this young religious teacher from my friends who are mothers. She could relate to their experience as working mothers they said. And she writes beautifully, I heard.

The workshop “Women and Journey to Allah” would be interesting as usually religious lectures and workshops are pretty general and not gender-specific.

In the first lesson, she said it’s difficult to find classes where they talked only about Allah. So true! It’s usually about Fardhu Ain, Tajweed, etc. Not that those lessons aren’t important but it’s as important for us to know our Creator too. How to love someone when you don’t know that person well, right?

I was excited when she told us she will focus on Asma ul Husna.  My weakness is in remembering His names 😦 As though she could read my mind, she shared that applying His names in different situations would make it easier for us to remember. Of course, it is best for us to zikir all His names anytime and all the time.

For a start, we were told to choose 5 of Allah’s names and say them 10 times after Subuh prayers and before we go to sleep. I chose these (including Ya Allah)

– Ya Afuw (The Forgiver – we want Allah to forgive us for our sins and delete them all)
– Ya Bari’ (The Best Planner – to start off your day)
– Ya Jalil (The Holiness – to purify our hearts)
– Ya Wakil  (The Trustee – to seek His help)

Last week, she also shared (based on her teacher’s recommendations) to recite specific surah after the following prayer times (to include zikir as well):

– Subuh: Surah Yasin (For ease)
– Zohor: Surah Nuh (To ask for cure, to renew our syahadah and to remind us of patience and perseverance of Prophet Noah)
– Asar: Surah An Naba’ (To ask for love and remind us about Qiyamah)
– Maghrib: Surah Al Waqiah (For rizq)
– Isyak: Surah Al Mulk (To ask for forgiveness and protection from punishment in grave)
– Dhuha & Tahajjud: to recite Ya Allah x 100 and Asma ul Husna

May He guide us always on the straight path and ends our time here beautifully. Please keep me in your du’a 🙂


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